For Counselors: Laugh A Little

A friend has sent the following which really made me laugh amidst the preparations for the upcoming Convention. Let me share this with you, and hope that these will make you smile at least or belt out in laughter. Registered Guidance Counselors in particular may need to laugh every now and then as well as get informed of medical terms. This may be one implication of our professional status now. In no way is this meant to downgrade the site where the following humor has supposedly taken place. The non-Tagalog readers may have to bear it all. Happy reading and God Bless

KUWENTONG P.G.H.

On Medical Terminology (Actual sentences found in patient's medical charts at the Philippine General Hospital):

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year (TALAGA!!).
2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. (HOW?)
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. (HMMM)
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. (pangit siguro)
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. (meaning: ran away)
7. The patient refused autopsy. (HA?)
8. The patient has no previous history of suicides. (Pwede)
9. She is numb from her toes down.
10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
11. The skin was moist and dry. (Ano ba talaga KUYA?)
12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (Pareho nga namang butas hehe)
15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,until she got a divorce. (Terrible stress indeed)
16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
18. Skin: somewhat pale but present. (If absent, then what?)
19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. (You mean having children is one?)

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Sa PGH, may tinatawag na Central Block. Andoon ang Radiology Department kung saan ginagawa ang mga X-rays, Ultrasound, CT Scan at Radiotheraphy. Dito ko naobserbahan ang evolution ng mga Pinoy medical terms. May mga pasyente o bantay na aking nasasalubong, ang madalas magtanong ng direksyon. Mga versions ng CT Scan:

1. "Doc saan po ba ang Siete Scan?"

2. "Doc saan po ba magpapa-CT Skull"

3. "Doc saan po ba CT Scalp"

4. "Doc saan po ang CT Scam?" (hmm, timely with all the zte, C5 and euro generals and jocjoc scams)

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Madalas akong mapagtanungan ng direction papunta sa Cobalt Room. "Doc saan po ba ang Cobal?" Yes, laging walang 'T'. Marami ang gumagamit sa term na Cobal. Saan napunta ang 'T"? Marami din kasing nagtatanong, "Doc, saan po ba ang papuntang X-Tray?"
Conclusion: Ang 'T' ng Cobalt, ay napunta sa X-Tray.

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7:00 am: Nagbigay ang kasamahan kong doktor ng Instruction sa bantay ng pasyente, "Mister, punta po kayo sa Central Block at magpa-schedule kayo ng X-ray ng pasyente ninyo."

3:00 pm. Kadarating lang ng bantay.
Nagalit na ang Doktor. "Mister, bakit naman napakatagal ninyong bumalik? Pina-schedule ko lang naman ang X-ray, ah."
Sumagot ang bantay, "Eh kasi po Doc, ang tagal kong naghintay sa gate, haggang sabihin ng guwardiya na sarado daw po ang Central Bank kasi Sabado ngayon."
(Nasa Roxas Blvd ang Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, at sarado nga naman yon kapag Sabado)!


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The following seems informative for those who've taken PSYCHOPHARMACOLOGY among us:

Nang mag-rotate ako as intern sa Pediatrics ng PGH, mahal na mahal talaga ng mga nanay ang kanilang mga anak na may sakit. Pilit nilang tinatandaan ang mga gamot at tawag sa sakit ng kanilang anak.

Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ang mga gamot na iniinom ng anak niyo?"
Mrs 1 : "Doc phenobarbiedoll po."
Doktor: "Ah baka po phenobarbital." (Gamot sa convulsion ang Phenobarbital)

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Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang antibiotic na iniinom ng anak ninyo?"

Mrs 2: "Doc metromanilazole po."

Doktor: "Ah baka po metronidazole." (Gamot sa amoeba ang Metronidazole)


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Ang tawag sa recovery room ng PGH ay PACU (Post-Anesthesia Care Unit)

Doktor: "Mrs., tapos na po ang operasyong ng anak ninyo, punta na po kayo sa PACU

Mrs 3: "Eh Doc, saan po sa Paco? Sa may simbahan po ba o sa may palengke?"

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Doktor: "Mrs. ano po ba ang sinabi ng dating doktor kung ano daw ang ang sakit ng inyong anak?"
Mrs 4: "Eh Doc sabi po niya Tragedy of Fallot.
Doktor: "Ah baka po Tetralogy of Fallot (Isang Congenital Heart Disease ang Tetralogy of Fallot)

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Biglang nagtatarang ang isang nanay at sumigaw.

Mrs: "Scissors! Scissors! Nag-sciscissors ang anak ko, Doc!"
Doktor: "Nurse, diazepam please, nag-seizure ang pasyente!" (Cool na cool si DR. no?)

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Doktor: "Mrs. ano daw po ba ang sakit ng anak ninyo?"

Mrs. 6 : May ketong daw po.

In-examine ng doktor ang balat ng pasyente. Wala siyang makitang senyales ng ketong. Tumawag pa siya ng isang Dermatologist para mag-examine nang husto. Wala talaga.

Doktor: "Mrs. sigurado po ba kayong ketong ang sakit ng bata?"

Mrs : "Eh iyon po ang sabi ng doktor niya dati. Mataas daw po ang ketong sa ihi dahil may diabetes."

Doktor: "Ah ketone po yon! (Ang positive ketone sa Ihi ay senyales ng kumplikasyon ng diabetes.)


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Doktor: (Tanong sa buntis na Mrs. na nagle-labor)

"Mrs.pumutok na po ba ang panubigan mo?"

Mrs: "Eh, Doc, wala naman po akong narinig na pagsabog!"

(Hanep!)